Participating in 5 Minute Fridays. 5 minutes to write about one word. Unedited.
This week’s word: GIFT
Health is a gift.
On Tuesday I had a CT scan and a bone scan, as it had been 2 years and I have been having health problems.
On Wednesday I get the call that they saw no evidence of disease. Such a gift! I rejoice.
On June 17 I will meet with a Gastroenterologist and there will be more looking on the insides for answers. Oncologist tells me they have tests that can show what scans can miss, and maybe answer questions. Why weight loss? Why the daily nausea and digestive issues? I hope to get some answers.
Appetite is a gift.
Stomach growling is a gift.
Even weight gain is a gift when one sees the scale sliding down, down, down and has no idea why.
But here is where I really want to be.
I want to be in the place where all is a gift, embracing all that God has allowed to go through His hands and onto me, His child.
Even the hard stuff.
I’m not there yet…not even close.
When cancer treatment caused the symptoms, I was closer, as symptoms were expected and let up in time.
In this unexpected and unknown, it has been harder.
I want easy and let’s get real honest, I want perfect. I fight perfectionism, a battle that has crept back up.
I am being stripped of perceived perfect and that is a gift.
I feel like I’m flailing and falling through this life of nausea, just wanting stillness.
And the I get a glimpse, on Wednesday, when girlfriends surround and make a cross on my forehead with anointing oil and pray to our great God for answers and healing and ultimately, His will– whatever that might be.
With hands laid, prayers lifted, a breeze coming through the open window and robins chirping, I find not what I want, which is health, but what I need.
The gift of stillness.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10