I used to DESPISE running. It hurt. It hurt my lungs and it hurt my body!
But, now I’m starting to get it. I’m starting to figure out why those who run love to run. I have found that as I have stuck it out and my body has adjusted, that it feels GOOD to run. It is fast and freeing!
I started out very slow. I would jog to get my heart rate up, then just walk fast, until I found my heart rate going down, then I would jog again to get it back up. After treatment last year that it didn’t take much to get my heart rate up, and it has taken a long time for me to be able to run and feel good instead of make me feel faintish & like my lungs were going to explode.
I still hesitate to call myself a runner. I’m not ready to commit to that title, and I still cheat quite a bit. We have hills in our neighborhood, so I walk up the block, and run down it, then walk up the next block and run down it. But boy, when I AM running, it just feels SO GOOD to be able to MOVE and feel alive.
The last 2 times I ran, I had my ipod on shuffle, and BOTH TIMES it started on the song, You Are Everything by Matthew West. It’s not the best song to run to, a bit slow, but the lyrics sure made me smile, especially this part:
And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again Feeling all this life within Every single beat of my heart
It is a pretty inspiring lyric to listen to as blood is pumping and feet are going and breath is loud and real and alive. Maybe that is why I have fallen so hard for running, the feeling of being “alive.” Not just alive internally, which I always felt even when sick and weak because of my Jesus, but to also experience it in such a physical way–pretty awesome.
Right after that song, on came Pink, and a song that brought tears for me called ‘Who Knew.’ It is probably about a couple who broke up, but the lyrics made me think of some of the emotions my Todd might feel if I didn’t make it out of my cancer battle.
These thoughts happen once in awhile, I am a changed person and thoughts of eternity and ‘what if’s’ just happen naturally. It is not a bad thing anymore. Not a fearful thing. It keeps life in prospective so I think it is a healthy thing. After a year and a half of being confronted by death, I am prepared for death, for a life of eternity with my Saviour, but I sure don’t want to leave the ones I love. My sorrow would come from knowing the hurt and sadness it would cause those I love. This song reflected those thoughts and made me run harder, pursuing health for my family. They are my motivation to run.
Some of ‘Who Knew’ from Pink:
I’ll keep you locked in my head Until we meet again Until we, until we meet again And I won’t forget you my friend What happened?
If someone said three years from now You’d be long gone I’d stand up and punch them out Cause they’re all wrong
And that last kiss I’ll cherish Until we meet again And time makes it harder I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory You visit me in my sleep My darling, who knew?
That song ends, and I’m running down the hill at dusk, with tears running. I wipe them away and I find myself admiring but distracted by the pink sky. I think it is funny to look at pink while listening to Pink. Between distraction of beauty and tears, I hope I don’t hit a bump and tumble.
The song below comes on. It is by Muse, called Supermassive Black Hole, and then– I REALLY got my run on, throwing caution to the wind. I felt like I was a vampire being chased by a werewolf, or maybe a vampire playing baseball? No, I’m not admitting to being a Twilight fan. At all. But I DID get my run on…and controlled my urge to howl.
That song ends, and I am almost home. I turn off my ipod, take out my earphones, and just listen to the sounds of creation. It is a quiet beautiful. My breath and heart beat join in, and I worship my Creator, and whisper heard words.
I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again
Feeling all this life within Every single beat of my heart
You Are Everything
I’m the one with two left feet Standing on a lonely street I can’t even walk a straight line And every time you look at me I’m spinning like an autumn leaf Bound to hit bottom sometime
Where would I be without someone to save me? Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for Everything that I can’t believe is happening You’re standing right in front of me With arms wide open All I know is every day is filled with hope ‘Cause You are everything that I breathe for And I can’t help but breathe You in, and breathe again Feeling all this life within Every single beat of my heart
I’m the one with big mistakes Big regrets and bigger breaks Than I’d ever care to confess But You’re the one who looks at me And sees what I was meant to be More than just a beautiful mess
You’re everything good in my life Everything honest and true And all of those stars hangin’ up in the sky Could never shine brighter than You